


The Not-Dates

by delicatelyglitterywriter



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Fluff, Four plus one time, Gen, Humor, Other, Queerplatonic Doctor/Donna, Queerplatonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 10:01:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16447724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delicatelyglitterywriter/pseuds/delicatelyglitterywriter
Summary: Four times the Doctor and Donna go on a Not-Date, and one time they learn there's a word for that





	The Not-Dates

1.

The first time the Doctor and Donna went on a Not-Date was to an intergalactic amusement park. It was  _ way _ better than any amusement park Donna had been to on earth.

For one, they had  _ actual _ anti-gravity rides, not just rides manipulating the laws of physics and  _ calling _ themselves anti-gravity. Then they had hovercraft rides, kind of like the water-themed rides back home, except nobody got wet.  _ And _ there were actual bigger-on-the-inside food courts, and haunted houses, and so much more. 

The bigger-on-the-inside buildings weren’t as big as the Doctor’s TARDIS; Donna could still see each end, but the outsides were much smaller, so there was room for more buildings. She loved it.

But the thing she loved most was all the hundreds of ice cream flavours. She didn’t know there were so many flavours in the universe, and then even not that many for ice cream. She simply couldn’t decide. 

“Oh I don’t know. You choose, Doctor.”

“Alright then,” the Doctor agreed. “Let’s get you...Jertham Berry. Very good flavour. You’ll love it.”

Donna did love it. It was sweet, like a blueberry, but slightly salty, giving it a lovely tang. Donna got brain freeze from devouring it so quickly. The Doctor just laughed at her.

A little while later, they sat down to give their feet a break. Donna sipped her strawberry slushie (what? As much as she loved alien flavours, she loved earth flavours the most), enjoying herself.

“So, Donna, where to next?”

She looked at the Doctor. “We  _ just _ sat down.”

“Yeah, but if you know where you want to go, we can go immediately when we’re ready.”

That was a fair point, so Donna looked around. She had no idea where she wanted to go. She spotted a person in park uniform and called them over.

“Oi! Park person!”

“Hello. My name is Bill. How can I help you?”

“Yeah, Bill, what’s the best thing in the park?”

Bill stopped and studied them before answering. “Well, for couples, I’d recommend the Raxacoricofallapatorius themed restaurant. The purple building just down the end of this path.”

The Doctor and Donna spoke at once.

“We’re not a couple!”

“This isn’t a date!”

“Oh, my mistake,” Bill apologised. “Still, the restaurant is pretty good. Give it a go anyway.”

Donna thanked him and shooed him away, turning to the Doctor.

“What the hell is a Rax-a-flap-ris?”

“Raxacoricofallapatorius,” the Doctor corrected. “It’s a planet, home to the Slitheen.”

* * *

 

2.

Their second Not-Date was to a Fully Immersive cinema, showing Star Wars episode 16. 

The Doctor surprised Donna with a “wacky drink flavour”, as per her request, from the impossibly big snack bar. Donna rolled her eyes at the poster for the new  _ Transformers _ movie.

(“They’re _ still _ making these?” she’d asked in disbelief. “In 2054?”)

The Doctor had held her hand when she’d gotten scared at being fired at by lasers from the screen. She’d insisted she knew they were just special effects, and she hadn’t  _ really _ been scared, she’d just been caught up.

The Doctor didn’t believe her, of course. But neither one of them mentioned it.

Donna had gaped at the Unnamable Size popcorn bucket, as large as a kiddie pool. The Doctor had gotten her a regular sized popcorn instead. She’d gotten mad at him when she found out her wacky drink flavour was based on the  _ Transformers _ movies. 

It had all been amazing.

Presently the Doctor looked out over the scenery of the city while Donna stood behind him, looking at the guide to what new movies were coming out in the next year, and if she wanted to come back to see any more movies decades before anyone else. 

When she was done, she turned back to the Doctor and stood beside him, slipping her hand into his, and rested her head on his shoulder. She looked out over the city with a contented sigh.

“This was amazing, Doctor. Thanks.”

“Oh, anything for you, Donna.”

Donna smiled and the Doctor squeezed her hand. The two were snapped out of their intimate moment by a child’s voice from behind them. The both turned as the child spoke.

“Mummy, why are they here like that? You said nobody dated at movies anymore.”

The mother hushed her child, guiding them away. “Don’t stare, Jamie. It’s rude. They’re probably just a bit of an old-fashioned couple.”

“We’re not…” the Doctor trailed off as they pair walked away. “...a couple.”

He sighed dejectedly, and it was Donna’s turn to squeeze his hand. 

“Hang in there, Doc. Maybe one day people won’t see us as a couple.”

* * *

3.

Their third was to a sort of pottery class. It was like a pottery class, except they worked with a substance called Melrid. It was jelly-like in texture, but clay like in stiffness. It was a weird combination, but Donna found it oddly pleasant. Like playing with jelly that didn’t fall apart when she squished it. 

“This stuff is so cool!” Donna said as she molded the substance. The Doctor glanced over, grinning, up to his elbows in the stuff. 

“You think so?”

“Yeah.” Donna grinned at him. “Whatcha making there?”

“Eh, dunno yet. Maybe some shoes?”

“Be pretty stiff shoes,” DOnna laughed. The Doctor laughed along.

“Yeah, they would be, wouldn’t they? I’ll think of something. What about ou? What are you making?”

“Mini replica TARDIS...I think.” She turned the clay around in her hands. “It’s kinda the same shape.”

When she looked back over at the Doctor, his expression was soft. Donna rolled her eyes, a smile on her face.

“Don’t be getting all soft on me, Time Boy,” she teased. The Doctor huffed a laugh.

“Me? Soft? Never.”

“Well, aren’t you two just  _ adorable _ ?” a spiteful voice cut in, to Donna’s right. Both turned to see a bitter old lady, pounding her clay into submission. Donna was the first to speak. 

“We’re not together.”

“Yeah, never.”

“Just as well,” the woman barked. “Marriage ends in death and divorce anyway.”

She resumed beating her clay and the Doctor and Donna exchanged a look.

“I think somebody’s cats all died.”

The Doctor snorted, covering it up with coughing.

* * *

 

4.

The fourth was to a reenactment of _ Much Ado About Nothing _ on a different planet. She was amazed that Shakespeare’s works reached this far. Well, at least part of his work.

The play had most of the same funny bits in it, and the names of the major characters were the same, but the plot was all muddled up. If not for the program they received clearly stating it was  _ Much Ado About Nothing _ , Donna would wonder what she was watching.

Although, she did have to give it to the aliens, they certainly knew how to make a play so absurdly funny that the plot didn’t actually matter. She laughed until she cried, and could barely breathe. Beside her, the Doctor was in the same state for most of the play. 

They were still laughing as they made their way out of the theatre, holding onto each other for support. 

“Stuck to the ceiling!” Donna squealed before dissolving into giggles again. The Doctor laughed even harder, and they both had to sit down in the foyer to keep from toppling over. In between their laughs, they wheezed out their favourite parts of the show, taking turns.

“Killed by a water balloon!”

“Cry me a river, literally!”

“Walking the plank on a leash!”

“ _ The bishop’s hole-y shoe! _ ”

The two couldn’t breathe after that, and they had to wait until their laughter subsided before they tried to talk again. Donna swiped at her eyes, exhaling slowly.

“Shakespeare would be so cross if he found out about this.”

The Doctor chuckled. “Nah, he’d be more mad that he found it funny.”

Donna paused. “Wait, you’ve  _ met _ Shakespeare?”

“Yeah! With Martha! Saved the world from witches and everything!”

“Oh that is wicked!”

They got up to go, the Doctor launching into an explanation of his Shakespeare adventure, when they were stopped by a salesman. 

“Tales of a Time Traveller,” he said, holding out a brochure. “Showing here, beginning in two weeks. Couple’s discount.”

“No, no, we’re not a couple,” Donna corrected.

“We’re not married!” the Doctor protested at the same time. 

The salesman turned red, thrust the brochure at them and hurried off with an apology. The Doctor and Donna looked at each other, and the Doctor shrugged as they recommenced their journey back to the TARDIS.

“Oh, but what about that bit where the bride and the groom get each other’s clothes by accident?”

* * *

5.

By the time they went on a Not-Date to the most famous museum in the universe, they’d lost count of the number of Not-Dates they’d been on. Neither of them had really been counting, anyway. It was just fun going to different places together.

They wandered through the museum, looking at various works of art and laughing at how funny some of them were. They paused at a painting of...well, they didn’t know what it was. A young girl, no older than seventeen, stood there too, mulling over the painting.

Donna tilted her head, examining it.

“What  _ is _ it?” she asked the Doctor.

The Doctor squinted. “Well, I  _ think _ it’s meant to be a library of...some description.”

Donna snorted. “A library of body parts?”

The Doctor shrugged. “Brilliant idea for a horror film, though, isn’t it?”

Donna bobbed her head side to side. “Eh. Could work.”

She leaned into study the painting closer while the Doctor spoke.

“C’mon, think about it. Sitting there, in the movie theatre. Camera slowly makes its way deeper into the library, past the still body parts. It’s deadly silent. And then, all of a sudden…”

Donna screamed and jumped backwards as a hand grabbed her bicep from behind. She whirled around to face the Doctor, doubled over in laughter.

“Oi! Not funny!” She slapped him on the shoulder, making him straighten up and try to get control of his laughter. 

“Oh, it has been too long since I’ve done that!” he giggled.

“You’ll pay for that, Spaceman.”

He opened his mouth to reply when the girl by them at the painting interrupted

“You two make a cute couple,” she observed with a smile. The laughter disappeared as the Doctor sighed and Donna wrinkled her nose in disgust, and they spoke in unison.

“We’re not a couple.”

“No, we’re not together.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” the girl apologised, hesitating a moment. “Forgive me for prying, but are you a queerplatonic or quasiplatonic couple, then?”

Again, the Doctor and Donna spoke together.

“A what now?”

“Queer-what?”

“I guess not. Sorry for intruding.” The girl turned to leave, but Donna stopped her.

“No, wait on, what do those words mean?”

The girl turned back. “Oh, uh, queer-slash-quasiplatonic relationships are like really intense friendships. They’re basically romantic relationships, without the romance. Like, you make all our major decisions together, and you share stuff, and you can look like a couple-couple a lot of the time, but you’re not really.”

The Doctor and Donna exchanged a look. They’d had no idea there had been a word for that kind of thing.

“What do you think, Donna?” the Doctor asked. “Queer or quasi?”

Donna’s lips twitched up. “Quasi.”

The Doctor grinned. Donna grinned back, only for it to disappear when she thought of a question. She turned to the girl.

“There any pet names for quasiplatonic couples or whatever? Like an equivalent to significant other, or boyfriend or girlfriend?”

The girls smiled and nodded. “Zucchini.”

“ _ Zucchini _ ?” the Doctor spluttered out

“Oi, I’m not a bleedin’ vegetable!” Donna snapped at the same time.

The girl laughed. “You don’t have to use it if you don’t want to. It’s just a special word used by a lot of queer-slash-quasiplatonic couples.”

The Doctor and Donna took a deep breath to calm down, and the Doctor thanked the girl, turning to walk away. He took a few large strides to put some distance between himself and Donna before he called out over his shoulder, a smirk on his face.

“Come on then, quasiplatonic carrot!”

“OI!”

**Author's Note:**

> Carrot, get it? Because Donna's a ginger and zucchinis are vegetables? Look I tried, that should count for something. 
> 
> Also, first time writing Donna, and Doctor 10. How'd I do? :D


End file.
